Undoubtedly, there is a general distaste, fear, and discomfort surrounding death. When people find out that I volunteer to visit hospice patients the reaction is often anything but positive.
How depressing. I could never do that. Why couldn’t you choose something more uplifting?
The answer is simple really: Medicine isn’t just about surgeries, therapies, and prescriptions.
The patients I’ve met are more than diagnoses and life expectancy calculations. I’ve seen a patient’s eyes light up over a conversation simply about their stamp collection, the love of their life, or their five grandkids. I’ve also sat with patients who forgot my name each week, sometimes within the same visit. These experiences have taught me that empathy is a clinical skill—strengthened by going beyond routine pleasantries, and practiced through active listening with compassion and intent.
As a pre-med student who aspires to treat diseases and to prolong life, it was somewhat odd at first to volunteer at a place which strives to ease, rather than delay, the end-of-life process. In medical school, we’re taught to focus on diseases and treatments, but through hospice care, I learned that it’s just as important to create a space for a dignified death as it is to ensure that someone has a healthy quality of life.
In fact, the medical profession needs advancement in its understanding of and attitudes toward death and dying. Physicians are trained to fight disease and ensure wellness, but typically struggle in communicating with dying patients and their families. Those conversations aren't easy to have.
Death for the longest time has been associated with medical failure, implying that physicians have nothing to offer a dying patient and family. That certainly isn’t the case: good communication can help calm fears, manage pain, minimize suffering, and permit patients and their families to experience a “peaceful death.”
I got to first-hand witness how a supportive physician-patient relationship provides an important foundation for end-of-life care. Patients and families are more trusting when they feel their doctor's empathy and compassion. With these skills, doctors can engage in thoughtful discussions to evolve decisions comfortably and without controversy.
Hospice care is about valuing what is most important in life—and making every single moment count. With that said, here are some important life lessons that I learned from spending time with hospice patients:
1) Communication is crucial
Don’t let the fear of being shy hold you back from developing meaningful interactions. Reminding your loved ones that you care about them or telling your friends that you appreciate them aren’t things to be embarrassed by. Communicate how you feel and what you think clearly because those interesting conversations and strong relationships are ones that you’ll cherish.
2) Assert yourself when you can
If there’s something you’ve always wanted to say, then let it out. If you know a mistake has been made, speak up. If you’re sorry about something, share it. Most importantly, if someone is unable to do so for him or herself, advocate for that person. Life is too short to sit quietly.
3) Know that tough times get easier and you will come out stronger
Sometimes, life isn’t on your side and you’re thrown multiple curveballs at once whether that be professionally, emotionally, or physically. It may be a bad week (or hey, a bad year – hello 2020), but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. It will pass and you’ll come out stronger. Sometimes, all you can do is your best and hope that’s enough.
4) Don't take “little things” for granted
Singing in the shower, the smell of fresh laundry, watching the sunset, or the way hot chocolate slightly burns your tongue on a cool fall morning are just a few of these “little things.” The simple aspects of life often go unappreciated. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow; embrace and be thankful for this life.
5) Smile more while you still have teeth
A simple smile can turn a person’s entire day around, even if it’s from a stranger. You won’t always have happy days, but if you can find even one thing to make someone else smile each day, you’ve extended warmth into the world without even realizing it.
Working in hospice has been the most fulfilling and rewarding experience of my life so far. I know I will take what I have learned from hospice care and apply it to be a physician who embodies compassion, humility, and empathy. I learned that being a good physician isn’t always about the science of fixing what’s wrong; I understood how important it can be to just sit down and listen.
Hospice care has made me more aware of the necessities that come with death as a physician. They include difficult conversations about end-of-life circumstances and preparing family members for the possibility of death of a loved one. Providing care for a dying patient is challenging, but to help someone die in comfort, in peace, and with respect to their choice is to give one final gift of life.
From one pre-med to another, I recommend this type of volunteering wholeheartedly. Death is an integral part of medicine and you have to know how to deal with it, talk about it, and be okay with it sometimes.
Someday, I hope to shake the hands of a hospice patient, not as a young woman unsure of how to handle conversations about death, but as a confident, learned, and caring individual in a white coat, extending a hand to help, a heart to understand, and an ear to truly listen.
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